The Good News

photo via Christy Stewart

The Gospel is Jesus, the Son of God, living here on earth, dying for our sins, and then raises from the dead. As humans we are born into sin and once we repent God will show us grace and accept us into His family. Then as Christians we try to love God and love others. Most of you reading my blog know this and believe this. That's great! But is that it? Are we really living like we believe the Gospel?

This is something I have been learning about since last December when I was in Haiti. I read a lot more and talked to God a lot more there than I did before and sadly more than I do now. I was reading Ezekiel and saw what our lives look like without God. In Ezekiel 16: 1-14 God tells the prophet how when Israel was born there was no one to take care of her. She was dirty and alone. But God loved her and she become His. Do we ever stop and think of how much of nothing we are? Or about how nothing we do can be good enough for Him and He loves us anyway?

In The Cost of Discipleship Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, "grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son."

Recently this topic has been coming up again. The sermon series we just finished covered Hosea. God asks Hosea to marry a prostitute to show the people His love towards them. Through His loving discipline He showed grace. Why do we think we can accept God's grace and then go back to living our lives? How can we call ourselves Christians when we keep putting our trust and hope in ourselves?

The start of the journey

The other interns are great! We have been discovering each others' passions and interests. It has been incredible to have people who are going through the same new situations as me and others who remember what it was like when they first got here and can help guide us. 

We have had fun exploring Lafayette together; going to art in the park one night and another time just walking around downtown. We have gone to different small groups together and met new people at Faith. And sometimes we spend a night together just watching Netflix.

I have been thinking through many ways to try and explain what my experiences here have been like so far. At times being on-shift vs. being off-shift can seem like a completely separate life, but I am here to guide the residents through their day and learn about biblical counseling. I guess I can explain it by saying in every situation I am reminded of God's Truth and His love for us.

More stories to come...but I wanted to check in with you and say thank you for your prayers towards this next year!

The Next Chapter

Four months of living back in the states, it's time for another transition right? This weekend I will be moving to Lafayette, IN.

I'll start at the beginning...my friend, Ashlen, was reading Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey. In the book Bessey writes about a women's rehabilitation center called Mercy Ministries. Ashlen knew that after getting back I was now interested in counseling women and in particular at a place where we all lived together and the help could be in every aspect of their lives. So she texted me and I looked up Mercy Ministries. I found they have a house in St. Louis. I read more about them a decided to apply. For no reason at all I Googled to see if there were anymore houses like this and I found Vision of Hope in Lafayette. I applied there too.

I received a response from VOH and after some phone interviews went up for a shadow weekend to see how everything ran. I loved everything I saw and everyone I met. While I was there I got a call from Mercy and set up a phone interview with them later that week. After talking with friends and praying about it I decided to take the position at VOH.

"Vision of Hope is a faith based residential treatment center whose staff and program focus on applying love, practical solutions from God's Word to help produce permanent and lasting change in women whose lives have been characterized by negative, life-dominating habits."

You can read more about VOH and watch testimonial videos here.

I will be escorting the residents from meals to classes, overseeing their volunteering at the church and community center, and going through counseling training. Since my shifts are about four hours I will have some free time. I am excited to get involved in the Lafayette community. When I was visiting I heard about some ways people are helping in the homeless cimmunity, one of the girls working at VOH is on a volleyball team, and I'm hoping to go to Thursday night meetings at Purdue's Campus House.

The next two weeks are training; afterwards I can post again and share how it's all going.  

Caribbean Cruise

Carnival.com

Last week I went on my first cruise with my parents, sister, aunt, uncle, two cousins, and one of their girlfriends. I was excited to be leaving the country again and to see more of the world. I tried to prepare myself for the tourist mindset instead of the missionary. Overall it was a great trip. The weather was perfect. We didn't have problems with luggage. It was mostly what I expected; laying out in the sun, snorkeling in the ocean, and watching shows on the ship. 

My favorite port was Belize City. For a couple of reasons: it reminded me a lot of Haiti and my sister, Hannah, and I took a tour by ourselves to explore some of the Mayan ruins. We took a two hour bus ride to the ruins so we saw a lot of Belize and our tour guide shared a lot of information. Because it did look so similar to Haiti I think it was hard for me to be okay with being a tourist but our guide told us tourism is their biggest form of revenue and she loved us being there, taking pictures and telling our friends about it. So that made me feel better.

In Cozumel and Roatan we found beautiful beaches to relax on and at Grand Cayman the nine of us went snorkeling over a sunken ship, fed stingrays, and played with starfish. This vacation was filled with many things I had never done before and I loved that I got to experience these countries with my family. I'm glad I got to go some places by myself first though because after seeing how everyone drives I don't know if my mom would have let me leave America :) 

Six books that changed my life

In response to my amazingly talented author friend, Nadine, I am sharing what six books or series (because who really could just choose six) have changed the way I think.

My first two are on her list as well because she is the one who recommended them to me.

Blood of Kings Trilogy by Jill Williamson
All three books are filled with adventures and twists. I was so glad I couldn't predict what was going to happen next. These books are Christian but it's not in your face. When one of the main characters comes to hear the truth I was able to understand what the darkness is in this world that I need help overcoming.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marrisa Meyer
There are three books of four out so far. I confess I have only read the first two, Cinder and Scarlet. I was a skeptic. I don't read a lot/any Sci-fi and I know the story of Cinderella, but I always listen to Nadine when it comes to books. I was telling another friend about Cinder and in the story instead of her shoe falling off her foot does instead. My friend gave me the weirdest look and I realized I forgot to tell her that Cinder was half cyborg. After I explained this she went to the library and checked it out herself.

The Circle Series by Ted Dekker
Also his Showdown series and every other series that connects these characters. It's genius. A lot happens in these books going back and forth between two worlds, but the thing that had the most impact on me was Dekker's description of God's love and his pursuit of us. How easy it is to be deceived and how many times God forgives.

Blessed Child by Ted Dekker
This "blessed child", Caleb, can see the Kingdom of God! Not in the future, on earth, right now. When I finished with this book I was filled with joy. God is real and he is doing stuff all around us all the time. Sometimes we need books like this to remind us to open our eyes.

Through Painted Desserts by Donald Miller
This isn't one of his popular books but I was challenged through it. The book is about his road trip with a friend from Texas to Oregon. In the beginning he writes about how everyone must leave home. I go back to that when I am making decisions about my future. Home is safe and comfortable but, taking a phrase from another one of his books, every good story has an inciting incident. For you that may be at home. But for me, my good story is made when I say yes even without all the details of how said adventure will end up.

A Time to Die by Nadine Brandes
It is not like any other book because; Parvin is the hero because she is afraid of things, and she doesn't come out of everything unharmed, and she is learning just like the rest of us what God intended for this world. I am excited to re-read this book after the edits are complete and it is published. I am excited to tell everyone I know about it and I can't wait for the next two!    

Guest Post: Hannah

Guest post usually means another blogger shares on a blog to get their name out there to more people. Well my sister, Hannah, isn't a blogger herself. She wrote a prayer after listening to Love in Shadows last semester at Campus House. She gave me permission to post it here hopefully to help remind others how we should be seeking God. 

My Lord,

            What if “I” never spoke again...I being me, my identity, my own thoughts and opinions. What if I let you speak through me? What if every time a word came out of my mouth it was yours, Jesus? I would never say the wrong thing ever again, never have to apologize or cover up by saying, ‘Just kidding’ after seeing in their face how my words hurt them. I could speak up when I feel convicted, instead of staying silent, as usual. The words coming out of my mouth could still offend people, but at least they would be spoken in love and through the intention of letting you God speak through me. What if I surrendered so that God could use my tongue for Your glory alone?

            This is scary because this means I can no longer take credit for my knowledgeable words, or funny comments. I lose the “I” part of my identity, it’s just one letter, but it has great meaning and it holds great importance in our society. What if I lose that? What do I gain by not using my words, just the ones God, you put in my mouth to say? If we are going to accomplish this I have to be intentional everyday to die to myself in this way, asking myself every morning, What if “I” never spoke again?

            It’s also scary to think that this is giving control of my tongue over to You; controlling my tongue is hard enough, but giving that control over to You every second of every day is even harder to imagine. This is the whole reason I am writing right now, because if I was in control I would be sleeping or watching TV or even doing homework, intentionally saying, ‘No’ to You. And I don’t want to do that either.

            This is one way I can live in the shadows well. By eliminating “I” from my identity. By eliminating “I” from every word I say, and letting You show Your Love through my life. First Corinthians 13:1-3 from the Message Bible says it quite nicely,

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.”

I want to live in the shadows because Your shadow Jesus proves the sunshine of our Father. You block the fierceness of His great light so that I can stand in full surrender in the cool of Your shadow. I want to sing and sing to You, every song that tells you I give You control. “Lift my Life Up”, “Proof of Your Love”, “Speak Life”, “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine”, “White as Snow”, “Love take me Over”, “Oceans”… I love You Lord.

Amen

Trusting God

Psalm 62:8 trust in him at all times ye people, pour out your heart before him.

During my time in Haiti I learned a little more about what it looks like to trust God in every situation. One Thursday night I read Acts 10 where Peter is called to Cornelis's house. He obeys God, goes and speaks. I felt like Peter. Just go with the flow because God says go. The next morning I was told we are going to church. I still don't know what was special about that day that we decided to have church. 

We sang, someone gave a message and, we read Psalm 104 and 37. In these chapters God says don't fret, trust him, he will provide everything. Later that evening when I was recording in my journal what had happened that day I wrote, "All I did today was worship. I have the best job." 

Around four months of being in Haiti I wrote this, "Because I have surrounded I have peace. I do have worries, but not that you [God] won't work everything out. I worry mostly about the outcome of everything you work out for your plan. But I have no other choice but to obey. It is the best way. And obeying right now means just going with it and trusting you will speak through me. The way you work is amusing to me. It's because it's the craziest way to do it that I know you are the one in control."

Living with kids

Me and Ronyka

Abed and Me

During my time in Haiti I lived with two children. Abed is a year and a half and Ronyca is five. I got to watch them grow and learn new things in the six months I lived in their home. Here are some short stories of our time together.

After Abed got comfortable having me in his home we would make faces at each other; sticking out and curling our tongues.

One time when Irma was getting water for Abed there must have been some water in the lid of his bottle because when she popped it off water went all over his face. He didn't cry though and she didn't notice, which was the funniest part. No one else saw.

One Saturday afternoon Abed was bouncing a phone and hit himself in the head. He laughed at first then realized it kind of hurt. He started to rub his head and look around to see if anyone else noticed. We made eye contact and I just shook my head. He stopped and shook his head too and went on playing.

Pop comes in glass bottles. (There are plastic bottles and cans but glass bottles are cheapest because you trade in your empty bottle for a full one.) After I was done with my 7up one evening I started blowing over the top of it. Abed and Ronyca thought it was the best thing. They were both laughing for awhile. Abed tried to blow too. The next time I had a 7up and the kids were around I blew over it at different intervals while I was drinking to make different pitches in sound.

I was sitting on the ground eating a bowl of rice and peas when Abed tripped over my foot. The rice and spoon in my hand went flying everywhere when I tried to catch him. He wasn't hurt. It was really funny and no one else saw. I got a broom to clean up the rice.

Ronyca was running and throwing herself onto my lap with her arms around my shoulders. Abed wanted to do it too. He tried but isn't quite tall enough so he just ended up running in between my legs. 

Vonnie was giving Ronyca a bath. She opened a new package of soap and threw the package on the ground to pick up later. Abed picked up the trash and put it where the trash is supposed to go.

Ronyca uses toys to put on make-up like she sees the women in the house doing. We pretended to wash clothes, eat, wash dishes, ride in a boat, watch a movie, and take communion together. It took me a while to figure out we were taking communion. It doesn't matter what culture you are in, the kids watch the adults to learn how things are done. The same way the kids watched and learned I did as well.

Ronyka, Me, and  Goneas

Sometimes after church Goneas would come over to play. She is around Ronyca's age and goes to Agape school so she knows me. One day the four of us played soccer in the main room. Goneas used my flip flops to mark where the goal was. I was the goalie and the three kids kicked the ball away from each other to try and score.

It's not about you

My walk leaving church

Last May I went to training before becoming an apprentice in Haiti. The other 20 or so people there were interning for the summer in a few different countries. One of the girls, Courtney, spent the summer in Kenya. When she started school again in the fall she started a blog for one of her classes talking about her time serving in Kenya. In October I read what she had to share. God told her, "Don't you see, none of this has to do with you? All of what you are participating in is about Me and furthering My kingdom. You can't be effective here unless you realize that you are nothing without Me and that your identity is in Me. You are not your clothes, your past, your hair, your story, you are simply my dear child." I did not want to hear this at the time. Isn't my story who I am? I thought I was in Haiti to be an example of Christ so lives would be transformed. Even now I have to remind myself that this, what I'm doing with my life, isn't about me. It's not even really about anyone who is watching my life. I am living a small story compared to the one God has written. The one where he and his kingdom are at the center. 

Dancing at the Christmas party in Mirebalais

During my time in Haiti God taught me who I am and that it's not prideful to own these characteristics. He revealed to me the image I had created of myself for protection from other's judgments. Once I was able to see and believe God's truth about me I was able to love others better. I am not as concerned about what others think or how they react to me. Now that I am confident in who I am I can see where God wants me to love and serve others.

If you know me, you know I like to read. I read a lot in Haiti and one book was called True Community by Jerry Bridges. In this book the author talks about the different ways Christians live. We should be abiding in Christ. This means instead of asking God for help to get through the day because of his power I should ask him to get me through the day because of his power. God and I are not equal working on a problem together, he is doing everything, and I am just the physical being here on earth the work is being attributed to.

Romans 15:18 God did his work through Paul. Paul acknowledged he does nothing on his own. 

Phil 2:13"For it is God who worketh in you both to will and do his will." 

Isaiah 26:12 "Lord you will ordain peace for us, for thou also has wrought all works after us."
Rms 8:28 and 2 Tim 1:9 I am called to do this right now, not because of my own works but because of his purpose and grace. It doesn't matter what I can do, I am called to do what God asks.

I noticed that the youth I became friends with want to evangelize to everyone they see and think that all Christians think this way. I am learning from them to tell my story so God is praised but it's not about me. It's not about them either, is it? The point is Christ.

Saying Good-bye

I am getting on a plane tomorrow morning. I said good-bye to the kids in Mirebalais and they gave me pictures they drew. We had snacks and a party at Agape on Friday to say good-bye to the kids there. For my last time teaching all 25 of them crowded around me just like to first day of school, except this time they all knew the English words for the things I pointed to in the books. 

Some of the girls at church gave me hair clips. I said good-bye to the congregation and Martin translated for me. I told them how much I would miss them and how thankful I am for their kindness and generosity. The ladies from choir presenting me with a gift. I also received something from the youth group. This afternoon two of the guys from youth that I have become closest with, came over to say their good-byes. Martin and his family came over for dinner and we had a feast, including cake! 

This was under the best circumstances I could have had for being immersed in a culture. I had a month before school started to learn how things functioned around the house; like cooking and laundry. I was able to meet with some guys for language learning. Once school started I felt comfortable around the teachers because they were some of the ladies I lived with. I was able to understand the kids a little and not feel completely overwhelmed. I’m glad I was here for six months to see change take place. A couple of houses on my street were built. I was able to see Abed learn new things and Ronika become more comfortable playing with me.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I know it was because of your prayers that I had such a successful time here. I will be speaking at a few Sunday school classes and churches when I return. If you are available to sit and talk for 5 minutes or 50 I would love to share more with you in person if it’s possible. I am certainly not done processing everything God had taught me here. I plan on still posting more about Haiti and what I am going to do with my life when I get back home. 

A glimpse of Haiti

 These are a few snapshots of my time in Haiti.

Milande is very creative. She makes bracelets and belts, arranges flowers for weddings and Christmas, and crochets. One day she taught me how to make a bracelet, all without saying anything. I just copied what she did.

While talking with a couple of the guys they learned I like art. Agenor asked if I would draw a picture of him. I did but that is not what I’m best at in art. I think they liked it.

We pass the same people every day on our walk to school. They have gotten used to seeing the white girl. Sometimes the kids like to reach out and grab my hand as we pass each other. One day I was holding Ronyca’s hand and a woman asked if she was my daughter. Apparently she didn’t think that was unreasonable and I had the realization I am old enough to have a five-year-old.

I got to watch two houses be built on my street.

Rode in a taxi with Martin. It looked like any other car. There was a young man sitting in the back with me. He had a rose. I wondered where he was going.

Passed a guy on the street who said he didn’t speak Creole, only English. He asked me where I was from and then said congratulations when I said America.

One day at recess one of the teachers brought a CD player. First the kids were dancing solo to show off their moves. Then we danced to “We are the Children.” The kids partnered off each boy with a girl.

Roynca posing as I take a picture out our back door.

One Saturday I helped Asmene, Milande, and Carline decorate a church for a wedding. We hung ribbons and flowers on the pews and draped fabric in the doorway. We laid a long piece of fabric down the middle of the isle for everyone to pass over. As I was helping I understood most everything they asked me to do. Not just from their pointing and hand motions, we actually communicated with words.

Martin baptized nine people in the Caribbean Sea

I saw a boy, maybe 10 years old, leading a bull down the street. 

Celebrating the New Year

New Year’s Eve there was a night service at church. We arrived around 9pm. We alternated between singing and someone sharing what God did in their life in 2013. At five minutes to midnight we sang and praised God to ring in the New Year. We exchanged hugs and said, “Bonne Année.” Then for two more hours people shared what God did in 2013. It was a good time of remembrance and celebration looking towards the future. I got up and spoke, telling everyone I am thankful God called me to Haiti at this time and thankful to everyone who welcomed me like part of the family.

New Year’s Day is also Haitian Independence Day. There was a slave revolution and in 1804 Haiti became the first black republic. The French settlers and slave owners apparently ate a lot of pumpkin soup. The first thing the slaves did after declaring independence was eat pumpkin soup. Now every year all over Haiti that is what is eaten to celebrate Independence Day. It’s delicious. It is a pumpkin broth with potatoes, carrots, cabbage, and other vegetables.