The Next Chapter

Four months of living back in the states, it's time for another transition right? This weekend I will be moving to Lafayette, IN.

I'll start at the beginning...my friend, Ashlen, was reading Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey. In the book Bessey writes about a women's rehabilitation center called Mercy Ministries. Ashlen knew that after getting back I was now interested in counseling women and in particular at a place where we all lived together and the help could be in every aspect of their lives. So she texted me and I looked up Mercy Ministries. I found they have a house in St. Louis. I read more about them a decided to apply. For no reason at all I Googled to see if there were anymore houses like this and I found Vision of Hope in Lafayette. I applied there too.

I received a response from VOH and after some phone interviews went up for a shadow weekend to see how everything ran. I loved everything I saw and everyone I met. While I was there I got a call from Mercy and set up a phone interview with them later that week. After talking with friends and praying about it I decided to take the position at VOH.

"Vision of Hope is a faith based residential treatment center whose staff and program focus on applying love, practical solutions from God's Word to help produce permanent and lasting change in women whose lives have been characterized by negative, life-dominating habits."

You can read more about VOH and watch testimonial videos here.

I will be escorting the residents from meals to classes, overseeing their volunteering at the church and community center, and going through counseling training. Since my shifts are about four hours I will have some free time. I am excited to get involved in the Lafayette community. When I was visiting I heard about some ways people are helping in the homeless cimmunity, one of the girls working at VOH is on a volleyball team, and I'm hoping to go to Thursday night meetings at Purdue's Campus House.

The next two weeks are training; afterwards I can post again and share how it's all going.  

Guest Post: Hannah

Guest post usually means another blogger shares on a blog to get their name out there to more people. Well my sister, Hannah, isn't a blogger herself. She wrote a prayer after listening to Love in Shadows last semester at Campus House. She gave me permission to post it here hopefully to help remind others how we should be seeking God. 

My Lord,

            What if “I” never spoke again...I being me, my identity, my own thoughts and opinions. What if I let you speak through me? What if every time a word came out of my mouth it was yours, Jesus? I would never say the wrong thing ever again, never have to apologize or cover up by saying, ‘Just kidding’ after seeing in their face how my words hurt them. I could speak up when I feel convicted, instead of staying silent, as usual. The words coming out of my mouth could still offend people, but at least they would be spoken in love and through the intention of letting you God speak through me. What if I surrendered so that God could use my tongue for Your glory alone?

            This is scary because this means I can no longer take credit for my knowledgeable words, or funny comments. I lose the “I” part of my identity, it’s just one letter, but it has great meaning and it holds great importance in our society. What if I lose that? What do I gain by not using my words, just the ones God, you put in my mouth to say? If we are going to accomplish this I have to be intentional everyday to die to myself in this way, asking myself every morning, What if “I” never spoke again?

            It’s also scary to think that this is giving control of my tongue over to You; controlling my tongue is hard enough, but giving that control over to You every second of every day is even harder to imagine. This is the whole reason I am writing right now, because if I was in control I would be sleeping or watching TV or even doing homework, intentionally saying, ‘No’ to You. And I don’t want to do that either.

            This is one way I can live in the shadows well. By eliminating “I” from my identity. By eliminating “I” from every word I say, and letting You show Your Love through my life. First Corinthians 13:1-3 from the Message Bible says it quite nicely,

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.”

I want to live in the shadows because Your shadow Jesus proves the sunshine of our Father. You block the fierceness of His great light so that I can stand in full surrender in the cool of Your shadow. I want to sing and sing to You, every song that tells you I give You control. “Lift my Life Up”, “Proof of Your Love”, “Speak Life”, “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine”, “White as Snow”, “Love take me Over”, “Oceans”… I love You Lord.

Amen

What now?

               Last semester during vision week you may remember me mentioning that we went through Storyline by Donald Miller. The first step in understanding your story is knowing your theme. To figure out your theme you look at the major events in your life and the one thing that they have in common. My theme is, to have faith in the next step because God knows I am not yet prepared for the step after that.  

                The next step for me is to take an apprenticeship with New Mission Systems International (NMSI). I will be living in Port-au-Prince, Haiti for 3-6 months. Apprenticeship means that I will have the opportunity to do many things to see what I like, what I’m good at, and where they need me.

                I’ve been asking many questions to help myself process through the next step. Usually someone in my stage of life would be asking questions like: When do I get to find the right guy and get married? How many kids will we have? What good paying job can I get to always have a steady income so my family and I are always happy? What is God’s plan for my life? Those aren’t bad questions but I’ve started asking a different set of questions: How do I advance the kingdom of God? Where do I need to share God’s love? And more specifically, why am I leaving? And why Haiti?

Two quotes, both by Mike Yaconelli, that have been helpful as I thought over these questions have been:

“Once we understand how unnecessary we are, only then might we find the right reasons to say yes.”

“We don’t need to know the will of God; we only need to know God, which is, strangely enough, His will.”

                Some answers I have come to are; because I love Haitians and I love the creation of Haiti, I want to learn where I best fit in serving in another country, I want to have to trust God, I want to show them someone is listening, and eventually I want to be a part of bringing housing to those in need.  

                As an apprentice I need to raise the money for my time abroad. I do not have exact numbers yet but the estimate is less than $1,000 a month. If I am there for the maximum of six months then I need to raise $6,000. This will be a little different than my internship now. I will need to be fully funded before I can go to Haiti. This amount pays for my travel to and around Haiti, food, and lodging. I will be staying with a missionary and his family across the street from the church they run. I will primarily be working at their church alongside them. A question I would ask you to consider is, do you believe in what I am doing?

You can donate online at www.nmsi.org/donate and click on the D for David, Megan.

Or you can send in donations to:

New Mission Systems International

2701 CLEVELAND AVE SUITE 200,

FORT MYERS, FL 33901

Please remember to put my name in the memo.

 NMSI honors preference of gifts solicited and, in accordance with IRS regulations, retains discretion and control over their use.

What I've learned...

It’s a new year and my last semester working as a Staff Intern at the Campus House. This week I have spent some time remembering my time here. I started writing down everything I have learned, first to see and acknowledge all God has grown in me, but also to recognize how I can be more intentional in my last semester.

What I have learned:

I enjoy reading not just for pleasure but also for knowledge.

In order to build more connections I have to speak what I am thinking.

Others need to be praised for their willingness to help.

Even when I overall loved my job there were some things that were frustrating and I did not like doing, but that’s ok. 

“Good” is not an acceptable answer. You have to share what made it good.

My supporters want to hear about what I am doing. I have to share as much in newsletters as I do in real life.

Ministry happens in the interruptions.

Just because I didn’t get everything crossed off my list doesn’t mean it wasn’t a successful day.

Budget and you will have the money you need when you need it.

The only way to hear someone’s story is to ask them to tell it.

Others do not process or view things the same way I do. I cannot force them to enjoy the same things I do.

Others need to be praised for their abilities.

Just because plans change doesn’t mean I have to wait until they are final to share them with others.

When you want to give up, don’t. Afterwards you will feel like you can do anything.

Looking at Pinterest and listening to a sermon is a good use of my multi-tasking skills.

 Everything doesn’t need to be fixed.

There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes to make a Wednesday night happen.

Group projects were not just a school thing. Every project I work on I get input from everyone else to make it better.

Understand sometimes it is physically impossible for me to do it all.

How to delegate and have patience with those I delegate to.

In order to hear someone’s story I have to ask the right questions.

Vision Week

Last week we transformed the basement of the Campus House into ten spaces separated by sheets for students to come and walk through their story. The theme for vision week this year was Storyline. The majority of the material came from Donald Miller’s Storyline book.

In the book Don starts by looking at God’s timeline. Then using Joseph’s life as an example of how our stories fit into God’s story. He shows the positive and negative turns in a person’s life and how that denotes the theme of their life. The theme is the statement which everything you do must pass through. If what you are planning on doing doesn’t line up with your theme you might want to reconsider what you are doing.

A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. After figuring out the theme for of life we moved on to the roles we play, the ambitions we have with each role, the inciting incident (the thing that once it happens you will never be the same), the conflict, and the climactic scene (the scene that can only take place after the ambition is reached).

For me one of my roles is Staff Intern.

My ambitions for that roles are to create art that inspires students and the God's word is understood and can be applied.

Some Inciting Incidents I need to do would be to plan the KC grow trip, ask students questions about what they are learning, and seek out more girls to meet one on one with.

I foresee conflict being that I don't know the answers to questions students ask, no place to stay in KC, or no place to serve in KC.

Climatic Scene I imagine would be when a student gets it and when a student is leading someone else.

It was a very successful week. We heard a lot of good feedback from students. If you want to read people’s  stories, Don set up a website,  you can go to mysubplot.com.  

Welcome to the Garden

Last night we had a garden party at DIG! We had Christmas lights draped from the ceiling and small tables set up for students to sit around. Some of the girls helped me bake Oreo cheesecake, lemon bars, and pinwheels.  We had cans of pop for students to enjoy. Some other girls helped serve Common Meal. One of our students read the creation story during the beginning praise. We wanted to create a beautiful, fun atmosphere for people to enter into the story because God did not only show grace at the cross but also in the beginning in the garden. He showed grace in the undeserved love he showed us. Brad shared a quote from N.T. Wright, “One of the central elements of the Christian story is the claim that the paradox of laughter and tears, woven as it is deep into the heart of all human experience, is woven also deep into the heart of God.” In both joyful laughter and painful tears we can see remnants of the garden. Through tears we see the way things were not intended to be. Contrary, through laughter we glimpse a piece of the perfect creation.

Haiti

"I don't want to glance over poverty because I have seen it before. I don't want to overlook those I encounter because I think I already understand. I don't want to ignore what is right in front of my face because I feel like they hold lessons I've already learned." -Alece

This was my fourth trip to the Northwest Haiti Christian Mission in Saint Louis du Nord, Haiti. The Northwest is the poorest region in Haiti; I saw this more this time than any other trip. Our team of 15 people traveled six hours by school bus from Port au Prince to Saint Louis. We arrived around 10:00 at night. We blew up air mattresses and found sheets and pillows while trying not to wake everyone else that were already in bed. When we took our second flight into Haiti the plane was full so we had to check our second carry on at the door. We didn’t see those bags again until Saturday, the seventh day of the trip. God taught us all many things from not having everything we thought we would need for the trip. A few of us had all their things so we shared and did laundry frequently. Not many teams can come back saying they went shopping at a Haitian market for underwear.

I was worried and didn’t want to put too much expectation on seeing some of the Haitians I had met last year. A lot of the interpreters only work for one summer or just a few weeks at a time. Anything could happen in a year since I last saw the boys who stand outside the mission selling bracelets. I was so excited when I saw Rodlen. He came up and gave me a hug when I was playing with some younger kids in the nutrition program. He told me he got to attend school this past year and I noticed he had on a lot nicer clothes on. I didn’t see him for the next couple of days and the other boys said he was sick. But he came running up to me again when we were watching the soccer game.

Every afternoon at the church across the street the mission teaches an English class. A few of our girls went every day. I went once to the beginner class and once to the advanced. In the beginner class we were paired up and helped our partner read through a children’s book. We then asked them to retell us the story to make sure they understood what they were reading. In the advanced class they have been reading through “Hatchet”. Melissa, the teacher, wrote out vocabulary and explained each word. It put in perspective for me how hard it is to explain the meaning of words we use all the time. I was partnered with Tony. He was a really good reader and when Melissa asked a question I was proud of him for the answer he gave. I talked with a few of the other guys as well, Sonny and Taylor. Some of the interpreters for the mission grow up going to an English speaking school but these guys are taking this class so that hopefully soon they can start working at the mission.

At the mission we have devos in the morning and at night. Some of the guys and girls from our team lead worship every night. I don’t think if I can describe the difference between worshiping staring at the mountains with the wind blowing compared to standing in straight rows, inside, staring at the words to the songs on the screen. It was incredible.

My Bible was in my second carry on. I couldn’t use my phone for any sort of daily Bible reading. Even being on a mission trip where the point is to commune with God all day and with devos twice a day I wanted more than anything to be in God’s Word. This past year I went through the James Bible study by Beth Moore. I memorized James 1 so for seven days that was the Word of God that I had and I can’t even count how many times I repeated it.

When people talk about mission trips, and changing the world, and sharing the gospel, and giving to the poor, the glorified stories that come are about relationships made and kids held but there are things that happen behind the scenes that make all of that possible. A few days we stayed at the mission and did projects they needed to get done. The church across the street needed to be repainted. First though the current paint had to be scraped off the concrete walls. When you sign up to go to Haiti this isn’t one of the things you picture yourself doing, but our team had good attitudes and started scraping. After about two hours there were 15 eyelevel, about 2’x2’ patches of exposed concrete on the brown walls. Each team worked on the church while we were there and by the end of the summer the teams will be able to start painting.

The grocery ministry is when you go to the market and buy a bag of groceries, pick a house at random and ask if they need groceries today, then ask if you can pray with them. We bought three bags and had passed out the first two. We arrived at an intersection in the road. Someone yelled out left so we turned and stopped at the first house we came to. I figured this house got stopped at a lot and we should go down further down the road but the woman told us she was the grandmother of the house. Her daughter travels an hour one-way to work every day. The grandmother takes care of the kids at home. She told us how the day before someone had stolen her money so she couldn’t buy food for the day. All they had eaten was the fruit growing from the tree in their yard.

 The brothel in Saint Louis is walking distance from the mission. The girls on our team went and met the women in the common area with their kids. I shared a story from 2 Kings 11. I wanted to share a story about a woman who followed God but is also lesser known. Even growing up in church I don’t remember hearing any stories about Jehosheba. She saved the heir to the Israelite kingdom. She didn’t have any power in the kingdom but knew that the boy needed to be protected. We may not think we can do great things or we are beautiful but when we think those things it breaks God’s heart because we are his daughters and he calls us beautiful and created us to do great things. A team went to the brothel every day and on our final day we invited the women to the mission for a Princess Party. We decorated the chapel and had cookies and muffins. The women received jewelry and decorated crowns. More teams shared what it means to be daughters of the King. I think the women really enjoyed it.

The Neighbor’s Project is where a church in America partners with a church in Haiti. A group from a church in Fredericksburg, VA traveled to the church in Berger, Haiti every day. I had the opportunity to join them for two days. The church in Berger is a tarp attached to the pastor’s house held up by bamboo poles. The group from VA was able to provide a tin roof for the church. Amazingly, maybe for the first time in history, the roof was on before church on Sunday. After Sunday service the team brought water purifying systems to pass out to twelve families. They were so easy to use I was able to help pass them out and show how to use them.

A lot of the times when we show up at a church a lot of young kids come to hear a Bible story and receive a snack. In Berger we had the chance to talk with the teens on a deeper level and gave them a change for them to ask us questions. It was encouraging to see so many show up and have questions for us.

We traveled to Anse a Foleur, where the voodoo temple is. The Haitians who worship at the temple believe in the God we know but also offer sacrifices to spirits they believe protect, heal, and seek revenge on their behalf. We view the temple and walk to the monument to pray for the one true God and truth to be revealed to these people.

On our last day we went Hut to Hut asking if we could talk with and pray for people. Our whole team went which can be intimidating so a few of us stood back at each house. At one house I was standing back from a man from a neighboring house came out and asked what we were doing. We told him and he told us his name was Gin asked if we could pray for him. Of course! He invited us into his home and introduced us to his wife, Finel, and new baby, Jaylen. After we finished praying we put TOMS on Jaylen’s feet. Haiti received 100,000 pairs of TOMS and 30,000 went to Northwest Haiti Christian Mission. My backpack was full of little kids shoes we were able to deliver to many families that day.

We were supposed to arrive back in America around midnight Thursday morning. God had other plans. Our plane from Port de Paix to Port au Prince was late so we missed our flight from Port au Prince to Newark. This isn’t the first time anyone has been delayed in Haiti; we were in good hands with the mission. They knew what hotel to take us to and bought us hamburgers and French fries for dinner. We stayed at Coconut Villa. I was surprised at how nice it was. They had a pool to swim in! I saw a lot more of Port au Prince than I had ever seen before. Contrasted with the Northwest region, everyone living in the capital looks like they are living the “good life” even though they are poorer than both you and I.  

Spring Break part 2

We are home and back to work and school.

In Tennessee, God's creation was beautiful and the weather was perfect. The most repeated things students keep saying is how awesome it was that they could be themselves on this trip and were accepted. So many friendships were made this past week. I pray they continue and spread to others in our community.

At the beginning of our trip on Sunday morning we went to Crossings in Knoxville. Caleb taught on the book of Luke. Mark and Caleb came during the week and taught through the book of Nehemiah. I learned a lot and thought I would share a thought from my notes with you.

On Sunday I heard a parable I have heard probably a hundred times (and you probably have too), but this time I heard something differently. Luke 19:11- 24 says,
And as they heard these things, he added and spake a parable, because he was nigh to Jerusalem, and because they thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear. He said therefore, A certain nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom, and to return. And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy till I come. But his citizens hated him, and sent a message after him, saying, We will not have this man to reign over us. And it came to pass, that when he was returned, having received the kingdom, then he commanded these servants to be called unto him, to whom he had given the money, that he might know how much every man had gained by trading. Then came the first, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds. And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities. And the second came, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained five pounds. And he said likewise to him, Be thou also over five cities. And another came, saying, Lord, behold, here is thy pound, which I have kept laid up in a napkin: For I feared thee, because thou art an austere man: thou takest up that thou layedst not down, and reapest that thou didst not sow. And he saith unto him, Out of thine own mouth will I judge thee, thou wicked servant. Thou knewest that I was an austere man, taking up that I laid not down, and reaping that I did not sow: Wherefore then gavest not thou my money into the bank, that at my coming I might have required mine own with usury? And he said unto them that stood by, Take from him the pound, and give it to him that hath ten pounds.

By investing the money, the first and second servant were telling their master, the nobleman, they believe he will become king and they want him to become king. Because if he hadn't become king the servants would have lost the money. This isn't just a story about how to invest what God has given you. Jesus wants to know if you will risk everything and bet on him. Do you have the courage to risk what God has given you?

Here are a few picture from the trip...


Hiking to Chimny Tops



Just Dance



Knoxville

A little of what I did over break

Back to work and it is wonderful. I have loved hearing about what God did over break in everyone’s lives. And there are still so many more stories to be heard. My break was great! I got to spend time with family and do some pretty cool projects with my sister (pictures below). Christmas was great! I had a chance to talk with my parents about my future plans after this internship, not that I have anything really planned, just many things festering in my head.


Hannah and I bought black sneakers from Walmart

We put them in a bleach bath for two days. We put them in the
washing machine but that tore them up so I would
not suggest doing it that way unless you want the worn look.

I drew with Elmer's glue where I wanted to dye to
resist then dyed my shoes purple.

I dyed the shoe laces orange and used Sharpie fabic markers
to draw on the shoes. Here is the finished project!

Vision Week

This week we took a week “off.” We transformed the basement of CCH (where we usually have chairs set up to listen to Brad on Wednesday nights) into a place students could get out of their ordinary routines and encounter God. The building was open so that students could come anytime that worked with their schedule.

We hung sheets to separate the space into different stations. Each station had a different theme. Some were review about what we have been studying in David, while others were new, we had a station where students could give $1.20 and package 6 meals to be sent to Africa through Something To Eat.

This year there were several new things we added to vision week. Every night at midnight we had worship, some students fasted for one, two, or three days, and for the first 36 hours students were praying continually in the prayer room upstairs.

Thursday night we had our wrap-up. It was laid back with worship and some sharing of what God had revealed to us.

One of the coolest things for me was the Intro. It was based around John 13:1-17 when Jesus washes the disciples’ feet. At this station there were washable markers where you could sit down and write your sins on your foot and then step into a tub of water and the marker would disappear from your foot as a picture of Jesus making you clean. If you don’t know, I have a tattoo of a cross on my foot, so when I was writing sins on my foot I was writing them on the cross, and when the marker was washing off my foot it was an awesome picture of because Christ died on the cross is the reason my sins are being cleansed.

This Saturday night I drove to Joplin to volunteer with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. They were building 7 houses in 7 days. I heard about volunteering through one of the students whose hometown is near Joplin. By the time I had a chance to sign up the night sifts were the only shifts available so I decided since this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity to work from 8pm-2am.  A few days before, I got online to get instructions and maps of what to do and where to park and that sort of thing. It said to get there an hour before your sift started. So I left Warrensburg around 4 and didn’t have any problems getting there. I eventually found the parking lot and asked the shuttle driver if I was in the right spot. He told me of another parking lot that was closer to the sight. I found my way to the sight, which is across from the hospital that was hit really bad. I could see a few houses that no longer had roofs and looked untouched from when the tornado came through.

The 7 houses are in a row on the street. I guess I expected cookie cutter houses, where they all look the same. But in front of each house was a large poster of the family and the theme of the house. There is the cabin house, the dollhouse, the eco house, etc. That impressed me, that even though they were building houses for families who where struck by natural disaster it was not just about providing them with shelter, the team took the time to listen to what the family wanted in a home.

My first job was sweeping the floor and picking up the plastic and cardboard the kitchen cabinets were wrapped in. It’s like how they show on TV where everyone looks to just be running around but they all know what they need to be doing. My next job was raking. Some volunteers were digging in the front yard for irrigation. I raked the rocks out of the yard and into the street. Then when the bobcat brought fresh rock-free dirt we raked it evenly over the yard. House 6’s yard will look the best!

I met a few people who were volunteering. There was a couple from California, Missouri, a woman from Kirksville, and some college girls from MSU. In the volunteer tent there was a 6’x8’ map of the United States and we were asked to put a piece of string from Joplin to where we were from. This map had some many pieces of string on it from cities all over the US!

In case you were worrying. I didn’t stay until 2 and then make the drive back to Warrensburg. I think I left around 12:30 and fell right to sleep when I got home.

A Different Perspective

Recently I have discovered a new perspective on Joseph’s life, Joseph in the Bible that is. I’ll give you the short story of his life. He was the eleventh son of Jacob. He was the favorite of his father’s. His brother’s hated him. One day his brother’s threw him in a well and eventually sold him into slavery in Egypt. This is usually where the preacher/ Sunday school teacher stops and tells everyone that God knew the whole picture and had a plan in mind. Back to the story, Joseph eventually becomes second in command in Egypt. There is a famine and his brothers come to Egypt to receive some food. We are usually left with the main point of the story being that even though God brought Joseph trough some hard times he is now able to provide for his family. Read Genesis 37-47 for the complete story.

 But what if that wasn’t God’s whole purpose? What if there is even a bigger picture than Joseph’s life? When we are going through trials we tell ourselves, “God has a plan” but we think that plan is still about us. What if God brought Joseph to Egypt so that he could tell the Egyptians about the God he served? If Joseph’s brothers had never come to get food, God’s purpose would still have been accomplished because Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams and God was able to show how great He is by not only saving His people but the Egyptians as well.

Even when we are at the center of God’s plan do we still think it is about us?

Pray and Seek

I would like to say I have a good prayer life. It’s one of the things we as Christians measure ourselves against. Do I pray enough? But in reality my prayers consisted mostly of things that were going on in my life. I would thank God for things and pray for others when need be but mostly I would pray for God to fix the things that were making my life uncomfortable.

Recently I have discovered that writing my prayers down helps me stay focused on what I am talking to God about and I can look back and see that he has answered my prayers when I forgot that I prayed them. This has also helped me in praying for others. Instead of asking God to bless this person and this person I write down specifically what they need prayer for.

One of my goals as a staff intern and hopefully for the rest of my life is to pray and seek before acting. I don’t want to think because I am in the ministry anything I do that is right is what God wants me to be doing.

This past week being able to spend time sharing life with a few girls has been incredible! I just want to be in a constant conversation with God about what he is doing in the lives of these students. There are so many things to pray for. I don’t know where to start or where to end. It’s not just a list of things I need God to do for me either. Its thanksgivings and more than any time I can remember I want to pray more for others than myself. I have been telling God all this week, “In all I could do to praise you it would not be enough.”